Getting laid off or experiencing a job loss is quite a roller coaster. Then… Eureka! You have found a new job, but it is in another city, another state. You now need to move. I am the wife a a displaced executive and we are moving. Sharing my journey may help make your easier.
The good news is, you have a job. Hopefully it is a good job and a good fit as it is in our case. If the position is too far, you will have to relocate. There was the roller coaster of feelings in the after period of losing a job. Now there is another set of emotions that will go with moving. First there is a the relief of getting that job. You will have a paycheck and be able to live. Dismantling your life and rebuilding will take you through the stages of grief. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (K. Ross).
Denial can be as simple as the thought “no, I am not moving.” Or it could manifest as buying a half a cow for the freezer. This would not be a good ideas as it might not stay frozen during the move. Most of us will be in the middle. We will walk around saying things like “I can’t believe I am moving.” or “I thought I would be here until we retired.” With this realization begins a feeling of profound loss.
Next is anger. It could be anger at your spouse or at your spouse’s boss. It could be a nameless face. Often the anger is just free floating, meaning that there is no one you can “blame,” so you are just mad at the situation. It can manifest as frustration on the job, in traffic, at friends and co-workers or whoever is standing in front of you. It is best to acknowledge the anger, and express it in healthy ways. These might be on the treadmill, track or writing in a journal. Then you can release it. Let it go. The situation is, what it is.
Bargaining… Oh, the ways we can bargain. Do you like your job? Well, you could, not put in your notice. You can delay putting your house on the market. This type of bargaining probably springs form some desperate hope that may be, just may be you don’t have to move. It may delay the inevitable move, but a move is coming. Just be aware that this is present. Have some compassion for yourself. I often find that if I can name the feeling and feel the pain, it simply passes.
Depression or profound sadness comes when you realize on a deep level that this move is happening. You are dismantling this part of your life. The sadness occurs as you put in your notice at work, or when friends ask how things are going. It is spring here in southeast Ohio and it will be my last spring here. I like it here. I have friends here and I have built a life here in this small town. I love my house. It is the nicest house I have ever lived in. And the gardens… oh, they are just lovely. I had some first’s here… being in my first play and first musical. Just because life as I have known it is ending here, it isn’t the end. The life I will build in the new town can be just as good or better that what I have currently. Now I am in acceptance and looking forward to a positive future.
I have moved a number of times and I have learned a few things. One is to appreciate what you have. It will pass. Everything in life is transient. I have made a habit of appreciating my friends, my home, my work, my life every day that I have been here. I appreciate the opportunities I have had here. That also brings me to acceptance. During this whole process, you work your way to accepting the inevitable. This chapter is done and a new one is beginning. I am looking forward to the opportunities that are waiting for me 500 miles east.
The interesting thing is that you don’t go through all these feelings in order. It can get mixed up and you go back and forth. That is normal. Realize that feelings ebb and flow, come and go.